Tomorrow, I go to therapy again. I started therapy 9 months ago after a particularly devastating week. I looked around for a therapist for a while and finally found one that I liked a lot. I mean, she's pretty good and does the whole CBT thing. Sometimes, I get frustrated, however. And I come from a therapist background so it's surprising to me but I do feel unfulfilled at certain points. For example, it's always a little bit strange to know that she's watching the clock and, while you're pouring your heart out and trying to tell this person that your life, the life that you had hoped would be okay, is a nightmare, five minutes are left on the clock. And my therapist is really strict about time and session length.
Another thing is (and I get that she's trying to help) that I feel like she suggests unreasonable things. Like when I was complaining about a lack of support or help from my virtually non-existent family, she suggested that I call upon friends to watch my son on a weekly basis or who could come over and make meals for me. I was like, what??! I mean, I have a good amount of friends and I'm close with them but I don't know anyone who has the time or energy to come over to my house and make meals for me on a regular basis. When I mentioned this to her, she acted as though I didn't know how to make deep friendships. I was just confused--I guess she must have some super, duper, amazing friends who would be willing to take time from their families and jobs to do all kinds of stuff for her. Also, about the friend thing: she's always suggesting that I join meetup, etc. I tried telling her that I see at least one or two friends during the week and go on an outing (listen, as a working mother of a toddler, that's a lot) and she's always surprised as though she thinks I'm some sort of recluse with no social connections. Another example of the strange suggestions: she asked me what makes me happy and I mentioned that making music and being in a band made me happy (at one point in my life, anyway) and she come up with this idea: "Well, I have an idea for you--how about enjoying a piece of that in your everyday life. How about listening to a song when you get in your car after the session?" I was like, I listen to the radio all the time--why do you think that's a ground-breaking suggestion.
And the exercise and yoga thing. I know, I know--exercise is the silver bullet for all health issues, right? You can just be un-depressed if you took up jogging! Look, I'm an active person--I run around all day, I take walks and do errands. I know it's not jogging or yoga but I'm so tired by the end of the day, I don't know how I'd fit that in. And I've tried it for a while--the stress of scheduling it in negated any minimal positive effect it was having. Please, stop with the constant "why don't you try a yoga class?" suggestions.
I'm making it out to sound like she's not that great of a therapist but she actually is pretty good. I just feel a little out of sync with her on her suggestions and teh rigid 45 minute window thing.
And, I also feel like things have kind of run their course. We hashed out that I'm depressed. Pretty badly depressed. My marriage is in major trouble. My sister-in-law probably has borderline personality disorder, which is why her moods are so unstable and she's so emotionally unreliable. My mother-in-law has OCD as a coping mechanism. My mother probably suffered from depression all of my life but hid it from me. I mean these are important pieces and things but now, I want action items. I want someone to sit me down and be like, ______, girl, this is what you need to do: Step 1, Step 2, Step 3. Unfortunately, no reasonable person I know is going to play dice with my screwed up life and tell me what to do.
Another thing is (and I get that she's trying to help) that I feel like she suggests unreasonable things. Like when I was complaining about a lack of support or help from my virtually non-existent family, she suggested that I call upon friends to watch my son on a weekly basis or who could come over and make meals for me. I was like, what??! I mean, I have a good amount of friends and I'm close with them but I don't know anyone who has the time or energy to come over to my house and make meals for me on a regular basis. When I mentioned this to her, she acted as though I didn't know how to make deep friendships. I was just confused--I guess she must have some super, duper, amazing friends who would be willing to take time from their families and jobs to do all kinds of stuff for her. Also, about the friend thing: she's always suggesting that I join meetup, etc. I tried telling her that I see at least one or two friends during the week and go on an outing (listen, as a working mother of a toddler, that's a lot) and she's always surprised as though she thinks I'm some sort of recluse with no social connections. Another example of the strange suggestions: she asked me what makes me happy and I mentioned that making music and being in a band made me happy (at one point in my life, anyway) and she come up with this idea: "Well, I have an idea for you--how about enjoying a piece of that in your everyday life. How about listening to a song when you get in your car after the session?" I was like, I listen to the radio all the time--why do you think that's a ground-breaking suggestion.
And the exercise and yoga thing. I know, I know--exercise is the silver bullet for all health issues, right? You can just be un-depressed if you took up jogging! Look, I'm an active person--I run around all day, I take walks and do errands. I know it's not jogging or yoga but I'm so tired by the end of the day, I don't know how I'd fit that in. And I've tried it for a while--the stress of scheduling it in negated any minimal positive effect it was having. Please, stop with the constant "why don't you try a yoga class?" suggestions.
I'm making it out to sound like she's not that great of a therapist but she actually is pretty good. I just feel a little out of sync with her on her suggestions and teh rigid 45 minute window thing.
And, I also feel like things have kind of run their course. We hashed out that I'm depressed. Pretty badly depressed. My marriage is in major trouble. My sister-in-law probably has borderline personality disorder, which is why her moods are so unstable and she's so emotionally unreliable. My mother-in-law has OCD as a coping mechanism. My mother probably suffered from depression all of my life but hid it from me. I mean these are important pieces and things but now, I want action items. I want someone to sit me down and be like, ______, girl, this is what you need to do: Step 1, Step 2, Step 3. Unfortunately, no reasonable person I know is going to play dice with my screwed up life and tell me what to do.
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